Farewell 2010

Leaving Kansas once again...

Ludwig

G-time with Sam

San Diego Zoo Trip

April Sip and See

Playtime with Uncle Bobby

Alex and Stephanie's Peru Mission Trip

Alex's first Marathon takes place in Oregon

Sychar places #1

Babysitting trip to Austin

Shanna and Alan's August Wedding

Sad return to Kansas City

September Farewell to Dad

Sam's first BU homecoming!

Bring on 2011!

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas this year is my family!
I want to cradle my granddaughter, read to her from my holiday stack, look into the eyes of my adult children and see Christmases past.
Distance is my enemy. Miles empty my soul.

Sometimes we just groan. Sometimes words cannot be found. The heaviness of this broken world renders us speechless. Is evil, illness, injustice swallowing us?
Sometimes we just groan.
Our Advocate groans as well. He divinely sighs, rescuing the broken one who has no hope of escaping his condition.
He yearns for our likeness to the Son. He intercedes for our eternal security.
He groans on our behalf, offering our silent weight to the Heavens.
Sometimes we just groan.

The probate petition arrives in the mail. It might as well be stamped: Final.
God, I don't think I have the energy to travel this road of rememberance again.
Grief sucks the life out of me. Yet, You remind me that You go before me and that You hold all things together. So the journey begins with one trusting step after another while You lead.
Each painful memory of being a second thought will be soothed with a sweet reminder that You loved me first!

Samantha is One!

Happy Birthday Samantha!!!

You are the love of our life...
xoxo Granddaddy and Gigi xoxo

I launch the dvd and I melt.
The heart, so guarded, yields to memories.
I struggle to seize the sweet ones, but I know they simmer deep in my being.
Little girl hugging daddy's neck...once upon a time, there must have been affection.
Lasting images collapse the reserve and the dam breaks.
I gasp and choke with pain and regret for recent photos scream his numbered days.
Did this weathered man's heart yearn for the sweet ones as well?

"I still love you."
Words on a birthday card; words that sear my soul.
A phone call, girded with prayer and hope for reconciliation, fails to connect.
Again, disappointment bruises my heart.
Dial once again? Or simply let hope find its way on parchment wings?
Time runs out...wavering misses the deadline.
Guilt punches me again and again. Did his heart cry regret and yearn for one last conversation?
Betrayal fades slowly...forgiveness often comes too late.
Can affection reach the heavens?

Words refuse to flow tonight; only toss and tumble from my pain.
I stand before my God small and fragile. My friend says it's the little girl in me; Joyce Landorf describes it as the little bird who has lost her song.
Broken, hurt, empty is all I can muster.
A frail charge who desperately yearns to be loved, but finds the prize beyond her reach.
Love can't even slip through outstretched fingers when love has never cradled them.
Stark reality leaves me orphaned and lost.
Fatherly love should swallow us, but sometimes the fathers can't find such gifting within them.
My hope crushed now that the flame no longer flickers.
Tonight I struggle to feel Heaven's parental embrace.
I know it abounds, but grief blurs the senses.

One brief meeting...hope was shared.

Our eyes told it all...cancer was mounting its final assault.

Hours spent storming the gates of Heaven...His plan was Heaven bound.

I knew you, Tina, because you knew the Holy One.

I heard your stories until my sides ached from laughter.

I suspect you laughed with joy right into His arms.

No more prayers for you...only your own.

Til we meet again, may Hope resound.

One more time

The anger swells again...surprise attack shatters the peace... forgive again, Lord?
The heart wrestles with obedience. Forgiveness is too hard, Lord, too exhausting.
But your Word pierces. You must forgive! Jesus' very words...no other options.
The heart cries for help once more. Increase my faith!

In God We Trust

The Liberty Window, Christ Church of Philadelphia

Oh Lord, heavenly Father, high and mighty King of kings and Lord of lords, who dolt from thy throne behold all the dwellers on earth and reignest with power supreme and uncontrolled over all the kingdoms, empires and governments; look down in mercy, we beseech Thee, on these America States who have fled to Thee from the rod of the oppressor, and thrown themselves on thy gracious protection, desiring to be henceforth dependent on only thee; to thee they have appealed for the righteousness of their cause; to thee do they now look up for that countenance and support that only thou alone canst give; take them, therefore, heavenly Father, under thy nurturing care; give them wisdom in council; and valor in the field; defeat the malicious designs of our cruel adversaries; convince them of the unrighteousness of their cause, and if they still persist in their sangiunary purposes, oh, let the voice of thine own unerring justice, sounding in their hearts, constrain them to drop the weapons of war from their unnerved hands in the day of battle!

Be thou present, O God of wisdom and direct the councils of this honorable assembly: enable them to settle things of the best and surest foundation, that the scene of blood may be speedily closed, that order, harmony and peace may be effectually restored, and truth and justice, religion and piety, prevail and flourish amongst thy people. Preserve the health of their bodies and the vigor of their minds; shower down on them and the millions they here represent, such temporal blessing thou seest expedient for them in this world and crown them with everlasting glory in the world to come.

All this we ask in the name and through the merits of Jesus Christ, Thy Son, our Saviour.
Amen

Reverend Jacob Duche

Rector of Christ Church Philadelphia, Pennyslvania

September 7, 1774

First prayer of the Continental Congress, 1774

High Places

Only you, Oh LORD, deserve to be exalted!

Perversion...for me to sit in the high place that is reserved for You.

We worm our way to the top, sometimes oblivious of the climb. Self-centered, unaffected by the path of destruction, we simply cannot live out our appointed position. Discontent with humility...unwilling to accept servanthood...exchanging Your plan for a season of glory. Father, guard me from such malady for I fear the long and crippling fall! Quickly open my eyes to the aftermath of elevating myself before You and others.

You, alone, be exalted!

Mother's Day 2010

We will not hide these truths from our children;

we will tell the next generation

about the glorious deeds of the LORD,

about His power and his mighty wonders.

Psalm 78:4 NLT

May is He awareness month

Less of me, more of You...I've been watching life through new lenses. Sadly, I observe a  malignancy attacking Kingdom life. The life-sucking "M" word...Me!  I asked for fresh perspective; not to be disappointed.  New cases of selfishness crop up daily, growing in  epidemic proportion, but the ugliness is overshadowed by promising cure.  One wise woman calls from the wilderness, challenging the sin-sick to shed their self-medicating approach to scripture study, replacing it with intentional search for the One who gives life to the Holy pages. I take the bait and plunge. Genesis: chapter one...His rich character calls from each life altering verse .  Exodus: chapter three and four...an evolving list shatters my complacent spirit.
May births healing from my chronic condition.

                       LORD, eradicate my Me disease! 
               Infuse me with growing   knowledge of only You.      

Physician of my sin-sick soul,

To thee I bring my case;

My raging malady control,

And heal me by thy grace.

John Newton  1779

Crossing

Piercing cry of death...young wife crumples in grief...tears tumble from men folk...
Forty four years cut short by an invasion of germs...a weakened heart ceasing to beat...
I stand at the edge of this unfolding crisis, beginning the dance of indecision. Do I penetrate this circle of love or do I simply retreat, assuming the preferred role of onlooker? My heart is crumbling for a family all too familiar with hardship, but my mind floods with "what if's." What if they reject a love offering? What if the spectators deem it invasive? What if I fumble?
The line is crossed by a force bigger than me, a holy Wind that sweeps me toward the carnage. He sends me to color the dark with His hope, a promise to rescue and restore.
A stranger's arm that wraps...a simple prayer that cries...one insecure soul who is chosen to cross over.

Father, You are faithful in Your love! Today, You will hold a family close. Today, You will spread Your balm over them. Today, You will call me to the edge again and once more, I will ask You to help me cross.

It's Spring!

For, lo, the winter is past,

the rain is over and gone;

The flowers appear on the earth;

the time of the singing of birds is come.

Song of Solomon 2:11-12

I must remember

Crossbeam tearing wounded flesh...hammer striking iron...

  shrieks of unfathomable pain...drops of redemption blood...

wincing with each agonizing breath...

trembling limbs stretched...

startled eyes searching the heavens...haunting thoughts of abandonment and betrayal...

uncontrollable sobs from a grieving mother...

jeers from a lost crowd...repentant cries from a thief...

merciful eyes forgiving humanity...

He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree,

so that we might die to sins and live for righteousness;

by his wounds you have been healed. I Peter 2:24

Taste and See

Jesus took bread, blessed and broke it...

'Take, eat; this is My body." Matt. 26:26

Before I remember, I examine.

Do I seek only Living Bread? Does He completely satisfy me? 
Do I seek leaven instead of He who knew none? 

'I am the Bread of Life' John 6:48
Jesus, let me feed on nothing but You.
'You shall set the shewbread on the table
before Me always.'  Exodus 25:30
Examine me, Oh Bread of Presence... afflicted and wounded One...face of the LORD;
that You might gaze upon me...that I might 
enjoy your presence. 

Taste and see for the LORD is good...Psalm 34:8.

'If anyone eats of this bread, he will live forever.' John 6:51 

Drink from the Cup of Grace

The more I seek you,

The more I find you.

The more I find you, the more I love you.

I wanna sit at your feet,

Drink from the cup in your hand,

Lay back against you and breath, feel your heart beat.

This love is so deep, it's more than I can stand.

I melt in your peace; it's overwhelming. Zach Neese

Pause and drink from His cup...

He poured out his life unto death...Isaiah 53:12

a drink offering for our sins...

This is my blood of the covenant

which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins.

Matthew 26:28

Remember Me...

In Search of a Good Book

Rainy Saturdays beckon a good read and the Montague Bookmill may just provide the perfect escape. It is definitely on my "have to visit" list. This quaint bookstore is housed in an old gristmill on the Sawmill River in Montague, Massachusetts (just north of Amherst.)

Susan's bookmill whets any bibliophile's appetite for an afternoon of searching the stacks and

her website coaxes sightseers to plan the day sampling the other offerings as well: an antique shop, art studio, movie night.

The Lady Killigrew cafe and The Night Kitchen restaurant look just as inviting!

Check out Alison Morris' photo tour as well.

Enough advertising...Pemberley and Darcy are calling!

Satisfy Us

"Satisfy us in the morning with your unfailing love, that we may sing for joy and

be glad all our days."  Psalm 90:1

Life noise begins all too soon and without a long drink of the Father early in the day, I find myself dehydrated by the cacophony.

 

"O LORD, be gracious to us; we long for you. Be our strength every morning..." Isa. 33:2

You might enjoy my February 22,2010 post on silence...

Thank You for One More Day

http://www.freefoto.com/images/9904/12/9904_12_11_prev.jpg

Layla Grace's parents thankful for one more day....one more day to embrace their precious daughter whose little two year old body is ravaged with cancer...one more chance to whisper their love...

Each morning God gives us the gift of a new day, a chance to start afresh.  "Because of the LORD’s great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness." Lamentations 3:22-23

What will we do with this fresh mercy, this blank canvas?

LORD, thank you for one more day....

 Layla Grace  lost her courageous battle Tuesday, March 9th and is now with Jesus.

Please pray hard for the Marsh family.

Miss you, Sam

My sweet Sam, 
       You are the joy of my life!  My goodness, if you get any cuter, I think I'll burst!  Your granddaddy and I had so much fun taking you to the beach and the zoo this week. We miss you so much already and can't wait until you are back in our arms!  
                                                              Hugs and Kisses, Gigi

Silence

Cacophony of life noise disturbs the rhythm...shatters the peace...quenches the Spirit.
Abba, restore the quiet for there is rest to be found in our meeting place. You invite me into silence: to listen... to remember... to wait for Your Voice.  Spirit begins His swell and I am settled; ready to be lavished by Your riches, covered by Your holiness, enveloped in Your mercy. Oh, the power of silence!  Truth heals festering wounds and rains on my parched soul. Your joy sweeps away anxious thoughts and delivers me from uncertainty. Sounds of life await my day;  sacred silence quiets my soul for what is ahead.

Gracebits

 Gifts that have sprinkled my life...

Undeserved favor...

Unspeakable joy...

Undone

Undone!

I am undone in the presence of a Holy God…David Ray

Today I lay undone because once again I have encountered a glimpse of my Holy God;

a diseased heart exposed…naked.

I’m pushed off His pedestal once again;

only to feel foolish and ashamed.

Love lived out loud...

Advent Conspiracy 2009 Thank You from Living Water International on Vimeo.

Carnage

“Lord, You know the hopes of humble people. Surely, You will hear their cries and comfort their hearts by helping them.” (Psalm 10:17)

I planned a light-hearted post this week, but in light of such tragedy, I offer a raw, unedited rambling of thoughts and emotions.
Why post at all?
I've opened my checkbook...I've offered my prayers...but I need to put pen to paper, hoping to wrap my mind and heart around such devastation, such sorrow in our world.  Heroes racing against the clock to save lives in shattered Haiti, survivors mourning massive loss, family members waiting in fear while on the homefront my young friends face agonizing medical decisions regarding the fight for their little Kate, their lives frozen as they battle an aggressive brain tumor.
Human carnage all around us...the nurse in me dying to do something, anything that brings healing...intercession my only offering.
Horrifying images, deep sadness, honest questions rob me of words.  Only cries and tears spill at the altar.
This I know.  God hears our moaning, our wailing and He responds.
We must abide in His decisions for He knows what we can never comprehend.
We wait, we utter, we hope.
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away." Revelation 21:4
This truth I know.

In Fond Memory of

Howard Lee Pierce
the man with the big heart

Reflections from a Pew

We gathered together to bid our farewells
To a man who had finished his well fought race.
Family and friends did assemble that day
To offer our love for a life lived with grace.

Light pierced the windows of that ol' country church
And danced on the crown of his beautiful bride.
God offered warmth with His comfort and care
As his family remembered its beloved with pride.

Songs of the Master enveloped the air,
A reminder to all that His love was quite near.
Words, oh so tender, completed our refrain;
Sweet adoration brought the wipe of a tear.

Sadness escaped us as stories were shared.
Laughter was afloat, along with Tammy's note!
Memories of a family man flooded our hearts
As we honored the legacy of love Howard wrote.

You are missed, my friend...
January 11, 2010