I launch the dvd and I melt.
The heart, so guarded, yields to memories.
I struggle to seize the sweet ones, but I know they simmer deep in my being.
Little girl hugging daddy's neck...once upon a time, there must have been affection.
Lasting images collapse the reserve and the dam breaks.
I gasp and choke with pain and regret for recent photos scream his numbered days.
Did this weathered man's heart yearn for the sweet ones as well?

"I still love you."
Words on a birthday card; words that sear my soul.
A phone call, girded with prayer and hope for reconciliation, fails to connect.
Again, disappointment bruises my heart.
Dial once again? Or simply let hope find its way on parchment wings?
Time runs out...wavering misses the deadline.
Guilt punches me again and again. Did his heart cry regret and yearn for one last conversation?
Betrayal fades slowly...forgiveness often comes too late.
Can affection reach the heavens?

Words refuse to flow tonight; only toss and tumble from my pain.
I stand before my God small and fragile. My friend says it's the little girl in me; Joyce Landorf describes it as the little bird who has lost her song.
Broken, hurt, empty is all I can muster.
A frail charge who desperately yearns to be loved, but finds the prize beyond her reach.
Love can't even slip through outstretched fingers when love has never cradled them.
Stark reality leaves me orphaned and lost.
Fatherly love should swallow us, but sometimes the fathers can't find such gifting within them.
My hope crushed now that the flame no longer flickers.
Tonight I struggle to feel Heaven's parental embrace.
I know it abounds, but grief blurs the senses.

One brief meeting...hope was shared.

Our eyes told it all...cancer was mounting its final assault.

Hours spent storming the gates of Heaven...His plan was Heaven bound.

I knew you, Tina, because you knew the Holy One.

I heard your stories until my sides ached from laughter.

I suspect you laughed with joy right into His arms.

No more prayers for you...only your own.

Til we meet again, may Hope resound.

One more time

The anger swells again...surprise attack shatters the peace... forgive again, Lord?
The heart wrestles with obedience. Forgiveness is too hard, Lord, too exhausting.
But your Word pierces. You must forgive! Jesus' very words...no other options.
The heart cries for help once more. Increase my faith!

In God We Trust

The Liberty Window, Christ Church of Philadelphia

Oh Lord, heavenly Father, high and mighty King of kings and Lord of lords, who dolt from thy throne behold all the dwellers on earth and reignest with power supreme and uncontrolled over all the kingdoms, empires and governments; look down in mercy, we beseech Thee, on these America States who have fled to Thee from the rod of the oppressor, and thrown themselves on thy gracious protection, desiring to be henceforth dependent on only thee; to thee they have appealed for the righteousness of their cause; to thee do they now look up for that countenance and support that only thou alone canst give; take them, therefore, heavenly Father, under thy nurturing care; give them wisdom in council; and valor in the field; defeat the malicious designs of our cruel adversaries; convince them of the unrighteousness of their cause, and if they still persist in their sangiunary purposes, oh, let the voice of thine own unerring justice, sounding in their hearts, constrain them to drop the weapons of war from their unnerved hands in the day of battle!

Be thou present, O God of wisdom and direct the councils of this honorable assembly: enable them to settle things of the best and surest foundation, that the scene of blood may be speedily closed, that order, harmony and peace may be effectually restored, and truth and justice, religion and piety, prevail and flourish amongst thy people. Preserve the health of their bodies and the vigor of their minds; shower down on them and the millions they here represent, such temporal blessing thou seest expedient for them in this world and crown them with everlasting glory in the world to come.

All this we ask in the name and through the merits of Jesus Christ, Thy Son, our Saviour.
Amen

Reverend Jacob Duche

Rector of Christ Church Philadelphia, Pennyslvania

September 7, 1774

First prayer of the Continental Congress, 1774

High Places

Only you, Oh LORD, deserve to be exalted!

Perversion...for me to sit in the high place that is reserved for You.

We worm our way to the top, sometimes oblivious of the climb. Self-centered, unaffected by the path of destruction, we simply cannot live out our appointed position. Discontent with humility...unwilling to accept servanthood...exchanging Your plan for a season of glory. Father, guard me from such malady for I fear the long and crippling fall! Quickly open my eyes to the aftermath of elevating myself before You and others.

You, alone, be exalted!